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The Secrets of Happy Families

Improve Your Mornings, Rethink Family Dinner, Fight Smarter, Go Out and Play, and Much More

The Secrets of Happy Families book coverBest-selling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between aging parents and rising children. He set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest ideas, cutting-edge research, and novel solutions to make his family happier. READ MORE


The Council of Dads

A Story of Family, Friendship & Learning How to Live

The Council of Dads book coverWhen bestselling author Bruce Feiler was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his leg, he could only imagine all the walks he might not take with his daughters, the ballet recitals he would miss, the art projects left undone, and the aisles he might not walk down. READ MORE

Read Bruce’s cancer diary.

Bruce's latest news

The Secrets of Happy Families featured and tested on ABC’s Nightline. Watch the video here.

A great review of ‘The Secrets of Happy Families’ in the Washington Post!

How Happy is Your Family? Take the quiz in Parade Magazine and check out the feature on NPR and in USA Today.

Archive for the ‘Books’ Category

King Tut: How’d You Get So Funky?

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

He came to power at age 9. Under the wing of powerful handlers, he overturned the changes of his father’s regime and restored the state religion. He died 10 years later after a mysterious accident that strongly suggests he had outlived his usefulness to his advisers.

In the 3,000 year reign of Egyptian royalty, the pharaoh Tutankhamun was a minor-if-intriguing figure.

Yet this weekend, after a much-hyped national tour, King Tut rides back into New York as one of the most celebrated figures of the Ancient World—right up there on the list with Jesus, Moses, Caesar, Cleopatra, Alexander, and Socrates. And unlike most of them, the tadpole pharaoh didn’t have the Bible, Shakespeare, or Plato to sing his praises. He was the Boy King of the greatest empire on Earth and all he got was one lousy Steve Martin song to show for it.

What explains the ongoing Cult of Tut? “King Tut and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs” (which runs through January 2011) is one of three Tut shows in New York this spring. There is also a spate of “landmark” television shows, “limited edition” $2,000 necklaces, and “miraculous scientific discoveries.” Why is it that Tutapalooza feels like one of those aging hippie reunion tours that always seems to be on its “farewell leg” yet never goes away?

In short, King Tut: How’d you get so funky?

The answer, inevitably, is greed, power, and a few very clever benefactors. King Tut may have been a puppet, but he’s had extremely deft puppeteers.

Read the rest of piece in The Daily Beast here.

Yay Daddy!!

Saturday, April 3rd, 2010

The ongoing miracles of a rebuilt leg. Today I completed my first HOPSCOTCH in two years! Here was my reward from my daughters.

yaydaddy1

Am I Really a Modern-Day “Danny Ocean?”

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

The first review of THE COUNCIL OF DADS thinks so. (And I think they mean it as a compliment.) From Hemispheres.

BRUCE FEILER—whose books have recounted his adventures teaching in Japan, joining the circus and, in the best-selling Walking the Bible, retracing the steps of Abraham, Moses and other figures from scripture—likes to call himself an “experientialist.” But the experience recounted in his slim but moving new book, The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me, is one you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

In July 2008, Feiler, an inveterate walker and world traveler in his mid-40s (“I’ve sprained my ankle on six continents,” he says), was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in his leg. Suddenly fearing he might not have long to live, the father of then-two-year-old twin daughters Tybee and Eden hit upon a unique plan: Like Danny Ocean assembling his perfect heist squad, Feiler would enlist six men, reflecting various aspects of his own personality, as his stand-ins. The hope, he writes, was that “together, collectively, they might help father my potentially fatherless daughters.”

The resulting book is a stirring hybrid: a memoir of Feiler’s cancer treatment coupled with a heartfelt meditation on parenthood, masculinity and living life to its fullest. Combining a chronicle of what he calls his “lost year” (including months of chemo and a 15-hour surgery) with portraits of Feiler’s own father figures and his Council of Dads, it’s honest, heartfelt and exceedingly raw. The book’s power comes in part from Feiler’s willingness to delve into emotions—including feelings of tenderness not only for our children and spouses but between male friends—that aren’t often spoken of with such candor. “There I am with no hair, a scar from here to here, talking to my friends,” the author explains, sitting with a cane in the Brooklyn, New York, apartment he shares with his wife, Linda Rottenberg, and the girls, surrounded by art collected during his years of globe-trotting. “The experience forced me to drop the normal trappings of contemporary life—vanity, pretense, ambition. It was very clarifying. I was still in the twilight of that feeling when I sat down to write the book. I just didn’t care. And it poured off my fingers.”

Interestingly, the result turns out to have less to do with disease than with life itself. While women will undoubtedly find the book fascinating for the light it casts on the vagaries of the male mind, men will almost certainly be moved to reexamine their own roles as fathers and as friends. “I didn’t set out to write a book about being male in America,” Feiler says, “but people keep telling me that’s what I did.”

It’s “Moses Week” in America

Tuesday, March 30th, 2010

This Saturday, millions of Americans will watch the annual spectacle of Charlton Heston acting the part of a Cold War hero in Cecil B. DeMille’s “The Ten Commandments.” The TV air date is no accident.

This week, beginning with Passover and ending with Easter, is “Moses week” in America. It’s the one time of year when the biblical hero steps to the forefront of religious ritual, renewing the special bond that has existed between the great prophet and the United States for over 400 years.

Read my whole article on CNN.

Seder Talking Points: Seven Secrets of Passover

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

Passover is the national holiday of my in-laws. Every spring, my mother-in-law hosts 35 people on one night, and a different 35 people the second night for a ritualized retelling of the Israelites’ escape from slavery in Egypt.

But the centrality of this occasion also creates problems for me. Before attending my first Rottenberg Passover, I warned my new family that I would make the world’s most insufferable seder guest. I had just returned from a year-long journey for my book Walking the Bible in which I actually crossed the likely Red Sea, tasted manna, and climbed the leading candidate for Mount Sinai. This year, I am coming off a journey across the United States for my book America’s Prophet: Moses and the American Story looking at the role of Moses as an influence on everything from the U.S. seal to Superman.

In the liturgical list of the Four Sons, I will surely be the Pedantic One.

“No problem!” my mother-in-law, Debbie, said. “Would you say a few words?”

And just like that I will be a pedantic with a microphone.

But why hog all the fun! You, too, can be a seder know-it-all. Herewith are selected seder talking points to help you steer your Passover conversation away from the same tired jokes about matzah and constipation.

1. A quote from Moses appears on the Liberty Bell. Moses was an American icon long before there was an America. The Pilgrims described themselves as the chosen people fleeing their pharaoh, King James. When they set sail on The Mayflower in 1620, they carried Bibles emblazoned with Moses leading the Israelites to freedom. By the time of the Revolution, the Exodus was the go-to narrative of American identity. Thomas Paine, in Common Sense, called King George the “hardened, sullen tempered pharaoh.” And in 1751, the Pennsylvania Assembly chose a quote from Moses for its State-House bell, “Proclaim Liberty thro’ all the Land to all the Inhabitants Thereof – Levit. XXV 10.”

2. The Founding Fathers proposed that Moses appear on the U.S. seal. The future Liberty Bell was hanging above the room where the Continental Congress passed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. As its last last order of business that day, the Congress formed a committee of Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, and John Adams to design a seal for the new United States. The committee submitted its recommendation that August: Moses, leading the Israelites across the Red Sea. Three of the five drafter of the Declaration of Independence proposed that Moses be the face of the new United States. To them, he was our real Founding Father.

3. Moses was the national hero for slaves. If the biblical prophet was a unifying presence during the Revolution, a generation later he got dragged into the issue that most divided the country. For slaves, Moses was more than a just figure in the Bible. He became a leader of their people. The story of the Israelites escape from slavery became the single greatest motif of slave spirituals, including “Turn Back Pharaoh’s Army,” “I Am Bound for the Promised Land,” and the most famous spiritual,”Go Down, Moses,” which was called the National Anthem of slaves. Harriet Tubman freed so many people on the Underground Railroad she was called “The Moses of Her People.”

4. The Statue of Liberty was modeled on Moses. When Abraham Lincoln died in 1865, two-thirds of the eulogies compared him to Moses, because he had freed the slaves and, like Moses, been stopped short of the Promised Land of victory. Lincoln’s death also initiated one of the more everlasting connections to Moses in American history. Americaphiles France wanted to pay tribute to the martyred president and the American journey of freedom by building a statue of liberty. Sculptor Frederic Bartholdi chose the Roman goddess of liberty as his model, but he imported two icons from Moses to bring her to life. First, the rays of sun around her head and second, the tablet in her arms, both of which come from the moment Moses descends Mount Sinai with the Ten Commandments.

5. Superman was a modern-day Moses. With the rise of secularism in the 20th century, Moses might have melted away as a role model. But Moses superseded Scripture and entered the realm of popular culture, from novels to television. In 1938, two bookish Jews from Cleveland named Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, drew their character’s backstory from the superhero of the Torah. Just as baby Moses is floated down the Nile in a basket to escape annihilation, baby Superman is launched into space in a rocket ship to avoid extinction. Both Moses and Superman were picked up aliens and raised in strange environments before being summoned to aid humanity. Superman’s original name was Kal-el, which is Hebrew for “swift god.”

6. Cecil B. DeMille turned Moses into a Cold War icon. The 1956 epic The Ten Commandments, which is the fifth highest grossing movie of all time, opened with DeMille appearing onscreen. “The theme of this picture is whether men ought to be ruled by God’s law or whether they are to be ruled by the whims of a dictator,” he said. “The same battle continues throughout the world today.” To drive home his point, DeMille cast mostly Americans as Israelites and Europeans as Egyptians. And in the film’s final shot, Charlton Heston adopts the pose of the Statue of Liberty and quotes the line from the third book of Moses — Leviticus — inscribed on the Liberty Bell: “Proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof.”

7. Moses is the Patron Saint of Washington. Today, forty years after Martin Luther King compared himself to Moses on the night before his assassination, the Hebrew prophet is as resonant as ever. There are six representations of Moses on the U.S. Supreme Court, and a bas-relief of Moses stares at the podium in the House chamber where presidents give the State of the Union. George W. Bush said in an Oval Office interview that he was inspired to run for the presidency by a sermon in Texas in which his preacher said Moses was not a man of words but still led his people to freedom. Barack Obama said in 2007 that the civil rights pioneers were the “Moses generation,” he was part of the “Joshua generation” that would “find our way across the river.” And this week Obama hosts the second White House seder.

From the sandy shores of Plymouth to the marble halls of Washington, DC, Moses has been an icon of American freedom because he embodies our greatest aspirations – leading people from oppression to freedom, creating a new a Promised Land in the wilderness, and building a society that nurtures all of its people. But he also reminds us that not all of our dreams come true. As Martin Luther King said, “I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I’ve looked over. I’ve seen the promised land. And I may not get there with you, but I want you to know that we as a people will get to the promised land.” These words capture what may be the most enduring lesson of Moses: The true destination of a journey of hope is not this year at all, but next.

When Daddy Is Gone

Friday, March 12th, 2010

I just read a beautiful essay by Kevin Helliker about the cost of losing a parent on young children. Interesting stat: Four percent of children lose a parent before age 15, usually a dad. I was surprised that figure was so low. Here’s an excerpt.

Having known my own father for 48 years, I’ve gained perspective from a wife who knew hers for only eight. When I call my 76-year-old dad tomorrow to wish him a happy Father’s Day, he will compliment me on this essay. He reads everything I write.

But without any hope of hearing her father say he is proud, my wife still strives to please him. In her mind, the sound of his voice still echoes, calling her smart, calling her pretty, laughing at her jokes. Twenty-five years after his praise fell silent, being worthy of it still means everything to her. Despite having thrived in the field of journalism — and having received loud hurrahs from her supportive mother — she felt called to follow the path of her father. Last year, she finished law school, passed the bar and entered the practice of law.

The first time I heard her speak about her father I understood that she was in love with him, and at that instant I started falling in love with her. As she gushed about how he had played baseball for a farm club of the Chicago White Sox, how his prosecutorial skills had won him a prestigious award from the U.S. attorney general, how he had posthumously been named one of the outstanding lawyers in Colorado history, what I heard was elation over how much he had loved her. It occurred to me his greatest achievement had been as a father.

Little science exists about the lasting influence of dead fathers, but outcome data suggest that it is powerful. Such data show that children who lose a father fare significantly better than those whose father is alive but not present, and nearly as well as those who never lose theirs. About 4% of American children will lose a parent before the age of 15, and nearly 75% of those losses will involve a father, reflecting the greater vulnerability of men to accident and illness, say bereavement experts. They stress that the loss of a mother can be similarly overcome, especially if the child received professional counseling and sensitive care from the surviving parent.

After years of studying the role of mothers in early life, psychoanalysts are turning with fervor to the influence of fathers. Just last year, an international consortium of Freudian analysts convened a seminar at Columbia University called “The Dead Father,” based in part on the premise that the role of the father in early childhood has been underappreciated. “The father has tended to get left out of the theorizing,” says Stuart Taylor, a Columbia University psychiatrist who helped organize the seminar.

Moses Comes to Glenn Beck

Friday, February 26th, 2010

See a clip of my appearance on Glenn Beck discussing AMERICA’S PROPHET.


Glenn Beck “Trilogy Show”

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

I will be featured on The Glenn Beck Television show on Thursday, February 25th, along with Ben Sherwood and Joshua Ramo. The show is entitled “Three Friends, Three Cities, Three Bestsellers. One Message?” It features what Glenn calls his three favorite books from the last year: Josh’s THE AGE OF THE UNTHINKABLE. Ben’s THE SURVIVORS CLUB. And my book about American values, AMERICA’S PROPHET.

Eden and Tybee’s Valetine’s Day Poem 2010

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

H – Hugs
A – Ask “Be Mine?”
P – Plenty of Cookies
P – Preparing Cards
Y – You Are Mine

V – Very Many Kisses
A – A Lot of Red Roses
L – Love
E – Envelope
N – Nugget
T – Take Me Out to the Valentine’s Party
I – I Love You
N – Necklace
E – Eating Chocolate
S – Snuggles

D – Dear Valentine
A – All About Hearts
Y – Yours Forever

Sarcomas at the Olympics!

Friday, February 12th, 2010

Mom of osteosarcoma survivor — and Canadian hero — Terry Fox carries Olympic flag in Opening Ceremony. Terry ran a marathon with a prosthetic leg! A great moment for all sarcoma survivors!!!

Read his amazing story here.

Terry Fox